I haven't done my morning pages yet but I will. Because I said I would. Even though I really, really don't want to. I'd rather write sentence. Fragments.
I even have a brand spankin' new journal today. So pristine. Perfect. Clean.
(Elapsed time of 30ish minutes)
Okay. I just finished my morning pages and figured out why I didn't want to do them. Yesterday in my blog I wrote how I wanted to tell the no-holds-barred truth in my morning pages. No editing for fear that prying eyes would read them. Today was my first day of spilling out the truth.
There were hurtful pent up emotions swimming around in my soul. There were triggers from the last few days that I didn't want to face, but I had no choice in my truth-telling morning pages.
Here's how these morning pages work. At some point the pages don't let you talk about the weather or write down your list of things to do. At some point, they stop you and tell you that it's time to get down to business. It's as if the pages themselves don't want to show up either if all you're going to do is write menial trivial blather.
So I got down to business. I wrote down the things that I thought would be so very horrible to write down. And then I forgave myself for judging myself for writing horrible things. Then I kept writing and came to an understanding that all the players that were triggering me over the last few days were doing so that I could learn a few lessons. That's how the soul evolves. A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.
I'm not seething anymore. I'm relieved. I feel better. And thanks dear reader, for showing up to read this blog. I hardly wanted to show up to write it. We're doing this thing, aren't we.
Yes we are.