Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day 169: A Confession

When writing a blog, one considers the balance between what is sharable and what is private.

Sometimes I'm not sure how far to push it. Should I tell them about this? Will so-and-so be upset? Do I have to ask permission to post this, that and the other? Is it a bit too revealing of self? I do have coworkers reading this. I have to be careful.

I've been wanting to share something in particular since my return from Rome but I've been too shy to mention it...

The experience of when I had in Confession at the Vatican.


I hinted at it in a post I wrote about sneaking around the Vatican, but I was too busy telling you about Claudio's little VIP tour.

Dreamy Claudio. 

So here I am, all exposed-like, about to tell you about my Confession at the Vatican.

My pits are sweaty.

When I was a kid, my class was forced to go to Confession twice a year. We'd traipse over to the church and discuss what to say. What sins do you really have when you're 8 years old? The priest would sit in the confessional and I'd recite my list of bad things.
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been 6 months since my last confession. Since then I've swore, fought with my sisters, disobeyed my mother and... ummmm.... uhhh... and forgive me foranythingelseican'tremember. 
The priest, in his kindness, would absolve me of all my dreadful sins and send me off with a couple Hail Mary's and Our Fathers to recite in the pew.

This time at the Vatican, when it seems to count for more because it's at the freaking Vatican, I didn't have too many sins to confess. I didn't want to confess sins I knew I'd happily commit again. That's hardly asking forgiveness.

So I sat there in the confessional with the priest and began:
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been 8 years since my last confession... Since then, I've.... ummmm.... uhhhh... The truth is, Father, that I'm just really mad at God.
I went on to talk about how my life isn't where I wished it were and why is God doing this to me and why can't I get what I want and what am I doing wrong and why is this happening to me and why on earth would He do this to me???

Then I took a deep breath.

Then the priest said I all the things I didn't know I needed to hear. He said there is a plan and if I had what I thought I wanted, there could be problems. He said to trust. He said to be grateful for both what I do have and what I don't. If I don't have it, I don't need it.

Now I know this mostly. But, my faith get shaky sometimes. This priest was super insightful. He got right to the heart of it. This insight surprised me. I used to think that only other religions had insights. Really, as silly as that sounds, it's true. But this guy at the Vatican... he had skills. 

At the end of our conversation, I added, "Oh, and forgive me foranythingelseican'tremember" just to cover my bases. He absolved me of all my sins and sent me off to recite a few Hail Mary's and Our Father's. Soon after, I skipped off for gelato with Aine and Claudio.

Dreamy gelato. 

Since then, I've been kind of floating. I haven't found myself falling into stress or overwhelm or drama. I actually have a calm demeanor and have been told I've got a bit of a glow happening. My friend Allan thinks that it's because of going to Confession. That it really took. I think he's right. It did take.

Check out my rad halo.

My pits aren't sweaty anymore. Whew. I'm glad I shared.

1 comment:

  1. Dude...confession at The Vatican is pretty much like sitting on the other side of the wall from St. Peter himself.

    Have you read "The Alchemist"? I think you might enjoy its message. I'd be happy to loan you my copy. I can even pretend I drew your name out of a fishbowl. ;)


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