He jumped me in the parking lot between my car and the office. He held me tight, leaned in and said, "Hey, remember me? I'm the one your therapist warned you about."
Ya, I remember you. You're the reason I can't get out of bed in the morning.
"Don't think you can get away from me so easily this time. I'll be like your shadow."
I don't understand. There is no reason for you to be here. Nothing happened to instigate a visit from you.
"Ah," he said. "You're thinking of my cousin Sadness. Sadness comes around for life events. New Year's Eve malaise, bad breakups and scraped knees. I'm different. I'm like a tsunami. You can't see me coming. You can be walking around living your life, then whoosh! There I am ready to swallow you up."
I remember what you're like. I don't need reminding. What do you want with me now?
"To see what you do with me."
Ah, yes. Well, come along then. I've got a status meeting at 9:00 in the conference room.
Depression followed me to the status meeting and hung around most of the day. He sat on my desk on top my pile of folders. He kept closing the door to my office, too. People would knock hesitantly and ask, "Who is this guy?"
No one special, I'd reply. Just ignore him.
He also stood over me as I wrote my morning pages, urging me to complain and write how I felt sorry for myself. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction so I wrote a list of things to do this weekend, I calculated my finances and I wrote a future fantasy about how I want my life to be in a year.
"That'll never happen," he said.
Just watch me. I'll show you, I said.
"When you go on and do those things that you think will make you happy, do you really think I won't come around? Do you honestly think that you can whip up an amazing life and not have me to deal with? Is that your plan?"
Ignoring you is pretty much the plan.
"Oh. I see. Hmmm. You've never done that before. You used to let me hold you while you cried in my arms. I thought we had a real connection."
Here's what I'm thinking, I said. You've come and gone whenever you damn well pleased. That's fine. I figure you're just one of those unwelcome visitors, like coworkers who show up in my office and talk too much about themselves. I've managed to put up with them. I can manage to put up with you, too. Eventually they go away and eventually so will you. In the meantime, hand me a folder. I've got work to do.
Then Depression jumped off the pile of folder and sulked in the corner for awhile. Eventually, he hopped out the window and I got back to work.
MADMEN premieres July 25th
Also, I entered the MADMEN casting call. Vote for me so I'll get a walk-on role plus a $1,000 Banana Republic gift card. It's gonna be great. So far I'm around page 21 or 22 of a gazillion pages. Look me up by my super secret name: Janice MacLeod