Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Day 208: On being untethered
This is one of the art pieces I salvaged from a book writing attempt I made last year.
Clearly, it's about how I've always felt different from my sisters. Funny thing, they each probably feel they are the different one.
I was the one who sat on the edge of a room not saying much. Who checked out during dinner conversations. I was the one who had to study more because school didn't come as easily. I was the one who took off for a life of grandeur in California. I was the one who found herself taking the corporate route. The one who hasn't married yet and who doesn't live in the same area code as our parents. The one who is constantly taking a class. The one who can't seem to sit still long enough to let her fingernails dry. The one who questions religion religiously. All that. That's me.
Truth is, I wanted to follow the example of my sisters. I wish I could cook and bake as well as they can. To be crafty with yarn and popsicle sticks. To have time to do all that stuff. To somehow manage to marry. To have kids. To stay put.
It just hasn't worked out that way and the more it hasn't worked out, the less "put" I seem to stay. I feel myself creating a life for myself, then unraveling and reinventing. Setting down roots and picking back up again. Going here and going there. Remaining untethered.
The result is a beautiful but unsettled life. Then again, maybe my sisters have beautiful but unsettled lives, too, just in their own unique ways.