There is this guy at work. We have a running joke on Fridays. I say, "It's the weekend. How will you get on without me?" and he says, "It will be tough, but I'll try."
Nearly every Friday for three years. Same silly banter. Somehow he's managed to get on without me all these weekends. I don't know how he does it.
So, with only a 100 posts to go until the end of this 2010 project, I ask you dear reader, how will you get on without me?
It will be tough, but I'll try.
I'll see what I can do about extending my stay. In the meantime, keep showing up. I'll keep showing up, too, because I'd like to see this story unfolds, too. I'm a bit in the dark myself.
Speaking of you, dear reader, one of you emailed me yesterday and told me of your 4-year-old daughter who started junior kindergarten this month. The children write in a daily journal, which her daughter refers to as a "daily journey." The reader said it made her think of this blog.
A daily journey indeed.
And where will this daily journey of daily journaling take me? I've got some ideas. Ideas are plentiful. It's the execution that's problematic.
Option 1: I'll stay here and keep doing what I'm doing.
Option 2: I'll move back to Canada and live with my mom.
Somehow both of these choices seem like the easy choice.
That leaves me with..
Option 3: Let myself GO.
Go where? And when? And how???????
These questions have left me curled up in my bed with fear and overwhelm.
Today I got on the horn with a friend of mine who is scheming to throw it all away and move to... well, to just have the option to go anywhere and everywhere, whenever.
Something in me became undone. The tightness that I felt at having to keep it all together, to know what I'm doing, to be making smart decisions began to loosen. I don't have to know everything anymore. I'm done with that. I'm just gonna let go of having a three year plan or a goal in mind. I've been planning and goal-ing for too long. I'm over it.
I cried a heaving sob after that call. I wasn't sad. I felt relief. It was nice to have a friend in the same boat. Someone else that wants the option to go anywhere and everywhere, whenever.
I released the pent up mayhem in my body that said I couldn't do this, that instead I should be spending time being grateful for what I have, that these are my big money making years and that I should be saving for retirement or a house or something grown-up like that.
But I'm so tired of doing all this. I'm tired of corporate life and the daily grind it takes. I'm tired of dealing with the BANE of my existence, the albatross of albatrosses, my WORK VISA that I have to maintain like a thorny, gnarly houseplant.
I'm tired of traffic.
It's autumn. There are leaves changing somewhere.
So where will my "daily journey" take me? What is my Option 3?
I don't know. Give me your take, dear reader. Where to?
Helpful but not exactly the answer I was looking for.
So dear reader, where to?
While you deliberate, I'm going to clean out some closets, figure out the cash and grow some balls to make it happen.