Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 265: My daily journey

There is this guy at work. We have a running joke on Fridays. I say, "It's the weekend. How will you get on without me?" and he says, "It will be tough, but I'll try."

Nearly every Friday for three years. Same silly banter. Somehow he's managed to get on without me all these weekends. I don't know how he does it.

So, with only a 100 posts to go until the end of this 2010 project, I ask you dear reader, how will you get on without me?

It will be tough, but I'll try.

Well played.

I'll see what I can do about extending my stay. In the meantime, keep showing up. I'll keep showing up, too, because I'd like to see this story unfolds, too. I'm a bit in the dark myself.

Speaking of you, dear reader, one of you emailed me yesterday and told me of your 4-year-old daughter who started junior kindergarten this month. The children write in a daily journal, which her daughter refers to as a "daily journey." The reader said it made her think of this blog.

A daily journey indeed.

And where will this daily journey of daily journaling take me? I've got some ideas. Ideas are plentiful. It's the execution that's problematic.

Option 1:  I'll stay here and keep doing what I'm doing.

Option 2:  I'll move back to Canada and live with my mom.

Somehow both of these choices seem like the easy choice.

That leaves me with..

Option 3: Let myself GO. 

Go where? And when? And how???????

These questions have left me curled up in my bed with fear and overwhelm.

Today I got on the horn with a friend of mine who is scheming to throw it all away and move to... well, to just have the option to go anywhere and everywhere, whenever. 

Something in me became undone. The tightness that I felt at having to keep it all together, to know what I'm doing, to be making smart decisions began to loosen. I don't have to know everything anymore. I'm done with that. I'm just gonna let go of having a three year plan or a goal in mind. I've been planning and goal-ing for too long. I'm over it.

I cried a heaving sob after that call. I wasn't sad. I felt relief. It was nice to have a friend in the same boat. Someone else that wants the option to go anywhere and everywhere, whenever.

I released the pent up mayhem in my body that said I couldn't do this, that instead I should be spending time being grateful for what I have, that these are my big money making years and that I should be saving for retirement or a house or something grown-up like that.

But I'm so tired of doing all this. I'm tired of corporate life and the daily grind it takes. I'm tired of dealing with the BANE of my existence, the albatross of albatrosses, my WORK VISA that I have to maintain like a thorny, gnarly houseplant.

I'm tired of traffic.

It's autumn. There are leaves changing somewhere.

So where will my "daily journey" take me? What is my Option 3?

I don't know. Give me your take, dear reader. Where to?

This is my mom. We went for a bike ride when I went back to Canada a few weeks ago. When I asked her "Where to?" She pointed and said, "This way. No dogs."

Helpful but not exactly the answer I was looking for.

So dear reader, where to?

While you deliberate, I'm going to clean out some closets, figure out the cash and grow some balls to make it happen.


6 comments:

  1. something other than "This amuses me"...would be my choice. When I was a medic I treated a guy who was in his early 40's who had lung cancer from smoking. He always wanted to go to Montana. Too late. That always motivated me. I use it as a verb, "To Montana". ...and I don't smoke.

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  2. Let me ask you this. When you say, "It was nice to have a friend in the same boat. Someone else that wants the option to go anywhere and everywhere, whenever.", who is it exactly that you think doesn't want that option? And not to be too technical about it, but you're not letting go of your "goal-ing". You're re-prioritizing it. You have a goal in mind, it's just this time it's one that matters to you. By the way, these are your money making years. But what you're saving towards is up to you. It doesn't have to be retirement or a house. It could be your new goal of getting away from it all. You also don't have to spend all your money making years making money. You can spend some of them doing what you want with the money you've made. Like so many things, living the life you want and realizing the goals you set for yourself - whatever they may be - really comes down to time management. Means to an end. I gotta run, I have a meeting.

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  3. I think that Option 2 and 3 go very nicely together. Option 2 is Option 3's safety net. So I say, go where you really wish you could go...which I think might be Italy. Go for a short time and try it out. If you don't like it, move back in with Mom. You could actually keep repeating that pattern. And, being the lovely writer you are, you might just create something in the process that covers all your money-making years in one swoop. Your Eat, Pray, Love is out there somewhere. I know it.

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  4. I don't know that I can offer suggestions about where to go but I very much understand the desire to go. I went to London, now I'm in LA, or will be more permanently from next year, and I must say that I love the challenge and the discovery of somewhere new. Plus meeting new people is such a pleasure, particularly the people I've met in my current stint in LA. I find that once you're looking and thinking about this you'll find exciting options popping up. And the next thing you know you'll suddenly be going. If it's what you want then you'll make it happen. Good luck...

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  5. re: your money-making years

    When the "daily journey" kid was born, we were in hospital for several days. After a long night trying to nurse her and soothe her myself, I finally asked the nurses for help.

    They offered a little formula, but in my post-baby hormonal sleep-deprived fog, I couldn't muster a simple yes or no--would she be ruined for life and never catch on to nursing? My God, what would HAPPEN!

    Finally, the RN gave me a long look and said, "It's not for forever. It's for right now."

    The babe sucked back an ounce and slept for 4 hours. So did I. And woke up rested with a new credo, which I pass along to you.

    _________________________________

    You're a smart brave girl with portable skills. Things will work out wherever you land.

    Tx for the shoutout to my spirited wee gal. And I think your mom has a great sense of direction.

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  6. Blakeroo, I came apart at your credo. Thank you. It's exactly the fuel I need to let myself go.

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