Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Decide what to be and go be it

 Where do I begin? 

Sometimes I just don't know where to begin. The blog post, my travels, my day.

I guess that's the fun of it all. Figuring it out.

Up until recently, I had two places to begin my world travels:
  1. I go east on my own. I go wherever I want, whenever I want and stay as long as I want. 
  2. I go west with a friend. I told him I was traveling. He cut me off at the pass and invited me to travel with him on a worldwide project in which he was involved.
In option 2, the project depended on a few other people on this end and a few people on that end. And in the end, the project was either delayed, canceled or in need of a revamp. And that means option 2 is no longer an option.

"Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God." 
--Kurt Vonnegut

In my dancing lessons, I seriously considered stepping in one direction with him, but instead I'm stepping in another direction on my own.

And I feel like I lost my dancing partner.

The partner with whom I'd figure out the train schedule and eat breakfast. The one I'd sit with on the plane/bus/park bench. The one who would take a photo of me in front of (insert city icons here). The one I could lean on if I lost my sense of direction/wallet/scarf.

After he told me the news, I thought, Shit, I have to do all this alone?!

...which was actually Option 1 anyway.

Plus, I don't have to do any of it at all. I can do exactly what I'm doing right now, which is to sit in my Santa Monica apartment and blog about life.

Of course, that's not why I quit my job. I quit my job for Option 1... but Option 2 was what made me enthused to go.

A part of me gets huffy and asks Why did you even ask in the first place? But the whys are never important. And they certainly don't matter now.

A part of me is scared to travel alone. I wanted someone to yank me out of the line of a speeding scooter in (insert city here). He qualified.

A part of me just wanted to observe his life. I admire him. Admiration is potent stuff. I wanted to watch him do his work, to listen to him talk about it, to see him teach others. To be on the front lines of a creative shift in how we build up the world around us.

Traveling with him would have been like going to a TED conference everyday.

And now I look at the world I'm about to explore on my own and say, C'mon. Can you really beat that?

Of course, the world is up for the challenge.

I know that crossing Option 2 off the list is definitely a dancing lesson from God. Something beyond both of our control shifted our direction. He is staying here. I will go east. Perhaps I'm not meant to be a cheerleader for him on this journey. Perhaps what I'm meant to do will reveal itself when I get there. Wherever that might be. 

And in the wise words of the song, Head full of doubt by the wonderful Avett Brothers...

"Decide what to be and go be it." 

So that's what I'm going to do.

6 comments:

  1. I love those guys, and that song. "There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light..." Awesome.

    OK so you're going east. Salton Sea?

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  2. "And now I look at the world I'm about to explore on my own and say, C'mon. Can you really beat that? " - JM

    "YEP" -KW

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  3. "take some time to find out, that livin life is all that lifes about.."

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  4. Was the travelling partner cute though? He mighta been worth following. And does your mother read your blog? She'd probably vote for the partner. Stay SAFE and don't trust any weirdos! Love, Roxanne

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  5. You will meet many dancing partners along the way.

    All you need is a smile and comfortable shoes.

    ML

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  6. I think the adventure quotient just shot up.

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